Wednesday, July 20, 2011

we need to be kind to ourselves

Just because two people decide to not continue a relationship, or decide to alter its boundaries, does not mean that the relationship failed. I have to remind myself of this. We have to be kind to ourselves regarding really difficult situations.

Alex and I had a lapse in our boundaries recently. A series of events lead us to a nostalgic frame of mind where we gave into our positive thoughts and feelings without regarding the negative/realistic side of things. Anniversary. Holiday. And then throw some hormones in there and we've got a recipe for thoughts of a possible reconciliation.

After a month of talks, things have returned back to normal. We reminded each other that it was just nostalgia, that there are reasons why we are divorcing, and that this doesn't mean we won't be able to be apart of each other's lives. That's our main fear: losing each other entirely. And we have both reassured each other that won't happen.

Our dissolution papers are turned in and all we've got to do is go to the courthouse to pay our fees and three weeks or so later we will be divorced. It's just a label, you know. Married. Divorced. It means something different for everyone. And in our case, it doesn't mean "Failed Marriage". Divorce means we love each other enough to allow the other one the freedom to grow and become who we were meant to be. We're still kids and we need to grow up without each other being involved in every aspect of the other's life. We have found that it's not possible for us to do that while we're married.

I do believe that there will be more Desaree and Alex adventures. Desaree and Alex are over. Desaree and Alex are just friends now. There is no reason to have unkind thoughts about that; it's a happy thing.

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