Friday, April 29, 2011

wise words from the Royal Wedding

     "'Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire,' so said Saint Catherine of Sienna, whose festival day is today. Marriage is intended to be a way in which man and woman help each other to become what God meant each one to be; their deepest and their truest selves.

     "Many people are fearful of the prospects of our world, but the message of the celebrations in this country and far beyond its shores is the right one - This is a joyful day! It is good that people in every continent are able to share in these celebrations because this is, as every wedding day should be, a day of hope.

     "In a sense every wedding is a royal wedding, with the bride and the groom as king and queen of creation, making a new life together so that life can flow through them into the future.

     "William and Catherine, you have chosen to be married in the sight of a generous god who so loved the world that he gave himself to us in the person of Jesus Christ. And in the spirit of this generous god, husband and wife are to give themselves to each other. 
     
     "Spiritual life grows as love finds its center beyond ourselves, faithful and committed relationships offer a door into the mystery of spiritual life in which we discover this: the more we give of self, the richer we become in soul; the more we go beyond ourselves in love, the more we become our true selves and our spiritual beauty is more fully revealed.

     "In marriage, we are seeking to bring one another into fuller life. It is, of course, very hard to ween ourselves away from self-centeredness, and people can dream of doing such a thing, but the hope should be fulfilled. It is necessary that a solemn decision is made; that whatever the difficulties, we are committed to the way of generous love.

     "You have both made your decision today: 'I will'. And by making this new relationship, you have aligned yourselves with what, we believe, is the way in which life is spiritually evolving, and which will lead to a creative future for the human race. 
     
     "We stand looking forward to a century which is full of promise and full of peril. Human beings are confronting the question of how to use wisely the power that has been given to us through the discoveries of the last century. We shall not be converted to the promise of the future by more knowledge, but rather by increase by loving wisdom and reverence for life, for the earth, and for one another.   
     
     "Marriage should transform as husband and wife make one another their work of art. It is possible to transform so long as we don't harm our ambitions to reform our partners. Their must be no coercion if the spirit is to flow; each must give the other space and freedom. Chaucer, the London poet, sums it up in a pithy phrase, 'When mastery cometh, the god of love anon, beteth his wings, and farewell, is gone'." 
     
     "As the reality of God has faded from so many lives in the west, there has been a corresponding inflation of the expectations that personal relations alone will supply meaning and happiness in life. This is to load our partner with too great a burden. We're all incomplete: we all need the love which is secure, rather than oppressive; we need mutual forgiveness in order to thrive. 

     "But as we move toward our partner in love, following the example of Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit is quickened within us and can increasingly fill our lives with light. This leads on to a family life, which offers the best conditions in which each generation can receive and exchange those gifts which can overcome fear and division, and incubate the coming world of the spirit whose fruits are love and joy and peace. 
     
     "I pray that all of us present, and the many millions watching this ceremony, and sharing in your joy today, will do everything in our power to support and uphold you in your new life. And I pray that God will bless you in the way of life that you have chosen. That way, which is expressed in the prayer, that you have composed together in preparation for this day:
 'God, our father, 
we thank you for our families; 
for the love that we share, and for the joy of our marriage. 
In the busyness of each day, keep our eyes fixed on what is real and important in life, 
and help us to be generous with our time, and love, and energy. 
Strengthen by our union, help us to serve and comfort those who suffer. 
We ask this in the Spirit of Jesus Christ. Amen.' 


"And we all say, 'Amen'."



-The Bishop of London

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

update

I haven't written for sometime now because things haven't really changed, though they kind of feel like they change every day. It's difficult to write about something that you feel like you've already covered or when you don't really know the status of something.

Things really haven't changed. Alex and I are both living separately, and it doesn't look like this is going to change anytime soon. I am not bothered by this and I really do think it's the best thing for both of us as individuals and for our relationship, whatever status it turns out to be in the end.

Both of us have started seeing therapists to work on our individual issues. I suspect that we will end up going together at some point, so long as we decide that we actually want to work things out.


I don't know about from his point of view, but I think that being honest has really helped this process. And the honest truth is that I do love Alex, and I really hope that things work out between us. I hope that it works out because we can be really good together. I hope that it works out because I don't want to be a 20-something divorcée - and not because I would mind being divorced, but because of the fact that it would mean that I have had a failed marriage. FAILED. Not exactly something that's easy to deal with. But, even if we work on the things, individually, that drive each other crazy, it may be that we are just going to be better off as friends.

It may be that I'm not the right type of person for him; as I've told him before, I think he'd be happier with someone more demure. And it may be that I need something a little more than he can give me; there is nothing "wrong" with him - he is who he is - but sometimes I feel like having someone more active and secure is what I really need.

Neither of us are in a rush to work things out or go through with the divorce. We are just taking things really slow so we can work on ourselves and then evaluate the relationship when we feel more stable. I don't know how other people do things, but this is working for us.